Real Life

This Holiday season can be difficult for so many for so many reasons.  The month of December is cram packed for my family in a lot of ways.  In the month of December alone we celebrate 5 birthdays.  Starting with the 9th of December we practically have 1 birthday a week.  We also have Christmas parties between school, work, and other volunteer organizations we are part of.  We have a Christmas school program too.  This is also the anniversary of when we lost our little angel baby.  So, there are many stressers for me this month.  I struggle to deal with these in the best way but I'm only human.  I have to admit that this is the month that it is so easy to fall back into bad habits & say "oh, I can eat this" and then devour something that's not good for me.  It's part of that emotional eating struggle I have.

In fact, I did that yesterday.  After having a day off from work that was not intentional, I went back to work with a list of things to do on my lunch hour.  Therefore, I knew I was not going to have the healthiest lunch.  I had to run to Wal Mart to shop for our youngest's birthday.  Let's just say shopping likes to give me anxiety!  So, after spending most of my lunch hour trying to figure out what to get a 6 year old that has too many things, I sped to a drive thru for a fried meal that was way over my calorie allotment.  I then sped back to work to eat quickly in the parking lot in order to get back to work.  Here's the bad.

1. Fried & greasy fast food
2. Food that was over my calorie goal
3. Eating fast inside my car
4. No way to burn those extra calories as I was sitting at a desk the rest of the afternoon.

Ugh!!  Yes, this bothered me but I also didn't really take any steps to change that situation.  I should have been better prepared.  I should have brought a quick, healthy, & portable option from home.  I should have had a better plan as to what I was going to purchase at Wal Mart for my daughter's birthday so I would not have been aimlessly wandering around.  Then, I should have had taken time to eat slowly to better digest my food.  

Continuing on this bad food train, I had planned for us to have hamburgers or hamburger salad for dinner last night.  My husband had grilled hamburgers a while back & I had frozen some of the patties to eat at a later date, hence last night's plan.  Yet, I had gotten the patties out of the freezer last week before Thanksgiving & put them in our freezer.  My husband was worried that they had been out too long.  He then mentioned that it was 50 cent corn dog night at Sonic.  There went my healthy eating plans for fast & convenient.  Instead of the healthy deconstructed hamburger salad I had planned, I now ate 3 corn dogs and a side of cheese tots!  Even as I sat eating that, I thought how full I was already starting to feel.  But I was also brought up in that generation of "you don't waste food".  Another thing we are working on.

Instead of getting up and doing some kind of physical activity that night, I sat on the couch with my husband watching a tv show and just being lazy.  Now, I'm not saying that every minute of every day we should be doing some kind of physical activity and that we should never eat junk food.  Everyone deserves a break.  I just went way overboard yesterday.  In doing so, it effected my sleep and my state of mind.

I already suffer from low self-esteem and this just gave me another reason to beat myself up.  So, I was awake before 4am today with all of these thoughts running through my head.  What I could have done and what I should have done.  Now, I'm laying that to rest.  Today is a new day.  No, I haven't done a 30 minute workout but I needed to clear my headspace instead.  I think everyone deserves a chance to do that.  "Shoulda, woulda, coulda"  Time to move on, honey!!

Most fitness and diet people you see online have these perfect bodies now.  I am no were near that.  I am a struggling, soon to be 46 mom who used to weigh over 300 lbs.  I had a major health scare this summer that was another wake up call to me about needing to change the way I think and the way I live.  That's why I'm here.  We all have that struggle and that need to find that fix.  I've been heavy most of my life with weight yo-yo's throughout the years.  I've had doctor's who have wanted to put me on diet pills but the side effects were not worth it.  I have doctor's now that keep pushing bariatric surgery.  That's not something I can afford, nor does my insurance cover it, and it's not always the "fix".  When they tell you about surgery many think "Oh, I can have this surgery & it will magically fix me".  Nope, honey, that ain't all.  Along with the surgery you need to make a life change.  That's the way it is with all diet & exercise plans.  You cannot just think "if I take this miracle pill all will be better" or "if I have this surgery, I can still do what I've always done but I'll be skinnier".  Nope, no way, no how.  It doesn't work that way.

You have to think of what all you have done in your life to get where you are today.  I'm not just talking about yesterday, last week, or last month.  Think back to when you were a kid.  Where you physically active then?  Did you eat healthy as you grew up?  I can honestly say no to both of these questions.  I was not the most athletic person and I grew up in an era where my dad didn't really think boys and girls should play sports together.  So, I didn't get to do some of the things I wanted to do because of that.  Then, we didn't have a lot growing up.  Yes, we grew alot of our food that we ate but it wasn't always prepared in the most healthy way.  Hence my love of fried foods.  Plus, both of my parents have a sweet tooth that I inherited.  How we grow up and what we do as a child effects who we are today.

Every step towards a better lifestyle means changing that comfortable one that you're familiar with.  It means accepting who you and how you got there.   It's saying "o.k. that's not the best way for me so let's find a better one."  It's taking a choice and doing what's better for you.  Instead of sitting on the couch waiting for the repair man and binge watching TV, it's getting up and dusting the furniture, putting up dishes, doing dishes, & just generally moving through the house.  Not only did chores get done but I was active.  Same with the laundromat situation.  It wasn't putting my wash in, sitting down & scrolling through Facebook or Instagram for 30 minutes then putting my clothes in the dryer and scrolling for another 30 minutes.  Instead it was putting my clothes in the washer, plugging my headphones in my phone, putting on my exercise music, & walking for a mile around the neighborhood while my clothes washed.  Then, putting my clothes in the dryers and again, walking another mile through the neighborhood while my clothes dried.  Not only was I active but I got much needed chores done.  I felt so good that night.  I had accomplished so much in one day when at first it felt like a wasted day.

Now, I know that I need to continue to use that type of attitude everyday in every situation.  Instead of letting my head turn to the easiest and most convenient.  I need to think what needs to be done, how I can stay active, & what's better for me & my family instead of the ease of binge watching Netflix, Hulu, or Disney+.  Yes, you do need those every once in a while but not every day.

Thanks for letting me share with you.  No, I'm not an expert.  I don't have a medical degree and I am not a fitness guru.  I'm just a mom who needed to make a change.  

Motivation & Falling off the Wagon

Each of us has to find that something to get us motivated to be active & to make the changes to our lives for the better.  That being said, I know that I definitely have not been motivated.  I started this journey in January of last year (like all New Year Resolutions) and I told myself that I was going to kick all the bad habits.  Umm, not so much.

Life happened.  I am not a strong willed person when it comes to diet & exercise.  I am an emotional eater & I have had TONS of reasons this year to eat emotionally.  There where many milestones happening in the lives of my children that, honestly, this momma was not ready for along with some other family issues.  My family dynamic was changing & I was not ready to handle it so I headed towards my "comfort zone" of eating.  Knowing I should have turned to some other more productive activity & berating myself constantly.  I saw all those hard earned loss of pounds go right out the window & packed on more weight.  This added to my self-loathing & discouragement towards weight-loss.  I've also had some medical issues that seem to side-line me that I am dealing with. Again, there's the excuses.  

Now, I am working to deal with the emotional & physical challenges so that I can get back on track.  Also, I know that I need to have my support system so that I can do better.  Luckily, my husband & family are there for me & they help encourage me.  My sister & I work together so we are trying to help each other be more accountable & work towards our goals.  

So, I have started over with help provided through my health insurance.  I have joined the Real Appeal program.  I have weekly check-ins, daily motivation, things I've never really had before.  Now I am on the track to my goals again & work towards them.  I am going to reach for my  motivation & push those set backs aside.  It's not an easy path to make myself better but it is one that I have to be on.  

My goals and priorities are my own.  No one can make you lose weight, get active, make healthy choices.  That has to come from you.  It helps when you have tools available to you and support from family & friends.  Honestly, I have done much better this go round with Real Appeal.    They in no way endorse this post.  I'm just sharing how it has helped me.

The Real Appeal program has been a pleasant surprise and Godsend on my journey to weight loss and better health.  First, the starter package that comes with the program is amazing.  They send you a scale, a food scale, workbooks, exercise guide book, exercise videos, a resistance band, & a recipe book/meal plan.  So many excellent tools to help you on your journey.  A few weeks into the program I received a personal blender also.  The exercise videos are perfect for any stage of your fitness journey.   I am so glad that I have these tools at my disposal to help me on my journey.

All I know is that when I hit 300 lbs. earlier this year I was at my lowest with no motivation and no real hope to get better.  Now, I've lost over 20 lbs. so far and I'm more physically active.  I feel so much better about myself and my body.  Lord knows me & this body have been through a lot.  I've carried 4 children in this body and been through many ups and downs.  I am starting to learn to love this body and accept that it's mine.  

In fact, today was a rough, stress day for me.  I spent most of my morning waiting for a washer repair man to come to our house.  What was supposed to be just a quick fix ended up being a day off from work for me.  Instead of just binge watching TV and sitting on the couch, I got up and was productive.  I finished doing some Christmas decorating in our house, I dusted the living room, put up & washed dishes, and worked on some other projects.   After the repairman left (without the washer being fixed yet) I took the clothes to the local laundry.  While my clothes were in the washers, I put in my earphones & went for a mile walk.  Then, while the clothes were in the washers, I went for another mile walk.  

It's a state of mind and making my health a priority that has changed things up for me.  I hope that you can find that thing that makes it all work for you.